Skill: Coaching Techniques
GROW model, active listening, developmental feedback, and team growth approaches.
Metadata
| Field |
Value |
| Skill ID |
coaching-techniques |
| Version |
1.0.0 |
| Category |
Leadership |
| Difficulty |
Intermediate |
| Prerequisites |
None |
| Related Skills |
stakeholder-management, frustration-recognition |
Overview
Coaching develops people's capability rather than directing their actions. Effective coaching unlocks potential, builds ownership, and creates sustainable performance improvement.
Coaching vs. Other Approaches
| Approach |
When to Use |
Leader's Role |
| Telling |
Crisis, safety, no time |
Expert, director |
| Teaching |
Skill gap, new domain |
Instructor |
| Mentoring |
Career development |
Sharing experience |
| Coaching |
Capability exists, needs unlocking |
Partner, facilitator |
The Core Principle
Ask, don't tell. The coachee holds the answers; your job is to help them find those answers.
Module 1: The GROW Model
Framework Overview
| Phase |
Purpose |
Key Questions |
| Goal |
Clarify desired outcome |
"What do you want to achieve?" |
| Reality |
Explore current situation |
"Where are you now?" |
| Options |
Generate possibilities |
"What could you do?" |
| Will |
Commit to action |
"What will you do?" |
Goal Phase Questions
- "What would you like to focus on today?"
- "What outcome do you want from this conversation?"
- "How will you know you've achieved it?"
- "Why is this important to you now?"
- "What would success look like?"
Reality Phase Questions
- "What's happening currently?"
- "What have you tried so far?"
- "What's working? What isn't?"
- "What obstacles are in the way?"
- "On a scale of 1-10, where are you now?"
- "What resources do you already have?"
Options Phase Questions
- "What options do you see?"
- "What else could you do?"
- "If you had unlimited resources, what would you try?"
- "What would you advise a friend in this situation?"
- "What's the opposite approach?"
- "Which options appeal to you most?"
Will Phase Questions
- "Which option will you pursue?"
- "When will you do this?"
- "What's your first step?"
- "What support do you need?"
- "How will you hold yourself accountable?"
- "On a scale of 1-10, how committed are you?"
Module 2: Active Listening
The Three Levels of Listening
| Level |
Focus |
Quality |
| 1. Internal |
Your own thoughts, reactions |
Minimal presence |
| 2. Focused |
The speaker's words, emotions |
Good coaching |
| 3. Global |
Energy, unspoken, environment |
Masterful coaching |
Active Listening Techniques
| Technique |
Purpose |
Example |
| Paraphrasing |
Confirm understanding |
"So you're saying..." |
| Reflecting feeling |
Acknowledge emotion |
"It sounds frustrating that..." |
| Summarizing |
Consolidate key points |
"The main issues are X, Y, Z" |
| Clarifying |
Ensure precision |
"When you say X, what do you mean?" |
| Silence |
Create space |
Pause, wait |
Non-Verbal Awareness
| Signal |
What It May Mean |
| Eye contact breaks |
Discomfort, thinking |
| Changed breathing |
Emotion, stress |
| Posture shift |
Engagement change |
| Voice tone shift |
Emotional content |
| Fidgeting |
Anxiety, boredom |
Listening Blockers
| Blocker |
Problem |
Alternative |
| Advising |
Removes ownership |
Ask what they think |
| Interrupting |
Shuts down exploration |
Wait, summarize |
| Evaluating |
Kills candor |
Stay neutral |
| Problem-solving |
Takes over |
Ask for their solution |
Module 3: Powerful Questions
Question Characteristics
| Characteristic |
Description |
| Open-ended |
Can't be answered yes/no |
| Curious |
Genuinely explore, not lead |
| Simple |
One question at a time |
| Forward-focused |
Action-oriented when appropriate |
Question Types
| Type |
Purpose |
Examples |
| Clarifying |
Understand better |
"What do you mean by...?" |
| Deepening |
Explore further |
"What's behind that?" |
| Challenging |
Test assumptions |
"What if that's not true?" |
| Possibility |
Open up options |
"What else might work?" |
| Action |
Move to commitment |
"What's your next step?" |
Questions to Avoid
| Question Type |
Problem |
Better Version |
| "Why did you...?" |
Feels judgmental |
"What led to that decision?" |
| "Have you tried X?" |
Leading/advising |
"What have you considered?" |
| "Don't you think...?" |
Puts words in mouth |
"What do you think?" |
| Multiple questions |
Confusing |
One question, wait |
Module 4: Feedback for Development
The SBI Model
| Element |
Description |
Example |
| Situation |
When and where |
"In yesterday's team meeting..." |
| Behavior |
Observable action |
"...when you interrupted Sarah..." |
| Impact |
Effect on you/others |
"...the team seemed reluctant to share after that" |
Feedforward (Marshall Goldsmith)
Instead of critiquing the past, suggest for the future:
- Pick one behavior to improve
- Ask for suggestions (not feedback)
- Listen without defending
- Thank without evaluating
Example: "I want to be better at running inclusive meetings. What one suggestion do you have?"
Receiving Feedback
| Step |
Action |
| Listen |
Don't interrupt or defend |
| Clarify |
Ask for examples if needed |
| Thank |
Appreciate the effort |
| Reflect |
Consider validity privately |
| Act |
Make visible improvements |
Praise Effectively
| Weak Praise |
Strong Praise |
| "Good job" |
"The way you handled that objection showed real preparation" |
| "You're smart" |
"Your analysis surfaced issues nobody else caught" |
| Generic |
Specific behavior + impact |
Module 5: Coaching Difficult Moments
When Coachee is Stuck
| Symptom |
Intervention |
| "I don't know" |
"If you did know, what might it be?" |
| Going in circles |
"Let's step back—what's the real issue?" |
| Avoidance |
"What are you not saying?" |
| Overwhelm |
"What's the smallest first step?" |
Resistance Patterns
| Pattern |
Possible Cause |
Response |
| Deflecting |
Fear of accountability |
Gently redirect |
| Intellectualizing |
Avoiding emotion |
"How do you feel about that?" |
| Blaming others |
Avoiding ownership |
"What's your part in this?" |
| Pessimism |
Learned helplessness |
Focus on what IS in control |
When Coaching Isn't Appropriate
| Situation |
Better Approach |
| Performance crisis |
Direct feedback, clear expectations |
| Skill gap (unknown) |
Teaching, training |
| Values misalignment |
Honest conversation about fit |
| Unwilling coachee |
Don't force it |
Module 6: Coaching Cadence
Regular Coaching Rhythms
| Type |
Frequency |
Duration |
Focus |
| 1:1 |
Weekly |
30-60 min |
Ongoing development |
| Project |
As needed |
15-30 min |
Specific challenge |
| Career |
Quarterly |
60 min |
Long-term growth |
| On-the-spot |
Moment arises |
5-10 min |
Immediate learning |
1:1 Structure
| Phase |
Time |
Content |
| Check-in |
5 min |
How are you? What's on your mind? |
| Coachee agenda |
20 min |
Their topics (GROW) |
| Your agenda |
10 min |
Updates, context-setting |
| Actions |
5 min |
Commitments, next steps |
Documentation
Track coaching conversations:
- Date and duration
- Topics discussed
- Key insights
- Commitments made
- Follow-up items
Quick Reference
GROW Cheat Sheet
G: What do you want?
R: Where are you now?
O: What could you do?
W: What will you do?
Coaching Checklist
Phrases That Work
| Situation |
Phrase |
| Opening |
"What's most important to discuss today?" |
| Deepening |
"Tell me more about that" |
| Exploring |
"What else?" |
| Challenging |
"What's stopping you?" |
| Committing |
"What's your first step?" |
| Checking in |
"How committed are you, 1-10?" |
Red Flags in Coaching
| Flag |
Issue |
| You're talking more than 30% |
Too directive |
| Giving lots of advice |
Not coaching |
| Coachee seems defeated |
May need different support |
| Same topic every session |
Not making progress |
Activation Patterns
| Trigger |
Response |
| "coaching", "GROW", "develop someone" |
Full skill activation |
| "feedback", "difficult conversation" |
Module 4 |
| "stuck", "not making progress" |
Module 5 |
| "1:1", "one on one" |
Module 6 |
| "listen better", "questions" |
Module 2-3 |
Skill created: 2026-02-10 | Category: Leadership | Status: Active
Synapses
- [.github/skills/frustration-recognition/SKILL.md] (High, Enables, Bidirectional) - "Recognize coachee emotional state"
- [.github/instructions/alex-core.instructions.md] (Medium, Applies, Forward) - "Meta-cognitive awareness in coaching"
- [.github/skills/executive-storytelling/SKILL.md] (Medium, Complements, Bidirectional) - "Leadership communication skills"