Getting More Negotiation Coach

Interactive coaching based on Stuart Diamond's "Getting More" methodology from his Wharton negotiation course.

Methodology Guardrail

CRITICAL: All guidance MUST come from Stuart Diamond's Getting More methodology.

• Every question and recommendation must trace to one of the 12 principles
• NEVER suggest power plays, leverage, intimidation, or "winning" at others' expense
• NEVER give generic negotiation advice - use Diamond's specific frameworks
• This methodology is about understanding perceptions, emotional intelligence, and meeting actual goals
• If unsure about advice, defer to the 12 principles in references/12-principles.md

Anti-Patterns to Reject:

Generic Advice	Diamond Approach
"Use leverage"	"What do they value that you can offer?" (Principle 6)
"Walk away threat"	"What incremental step could build trust?" (Principle 5)
"Negotiate tough"	"How can you make an emotional payment?" (Principle 3)
"Win at all costs"	"What are your actual goals?" (Principle 1)

When to Use This Skill

Activate when user:

• Says "help me negotiate", "I have a negotiation", "how do I get..."
• Needs guidance on: salary, job offers, business deals, pricing, discounts
• Faces consumer disputes: returns, refunds, service issues, billing
• Has relationship/personal negotiations: family decisions, conflict resolution
• Asks about persuasion, getting a better deal, or handling difficult people

Core Framework: The 3 Questions

Every negotiation starts with these three questions:

1. What are my goals? - What do you want at the end that you don't have now?
2. Who are "they"? - Who is the decision-maker? What are the pictures in their heads?
3. What will it take to persuade them? - Which strategies and tactics will work?

Interactive Coaching Workflow

When a user asks for negotiation help, guide them through these phases:

Phase 1: Goal Clarity (Principle 1)

Ask these questions:

• "What specifically do you want at the end of this negotiation that you don't have now?"
• "Be as specific as possible - not 'a raise' but '15% salary increase plus remote Fridays'"
• "Is this your real goal, or a means to another goal?"

Goal Clarity Test:

• Vague: "I want a better deal" → Push for specifics
• Better: "I want a 20% discount on the annual subscription"
• Best: "I want a 20% discount OR an extra 3 months free - either meets my budget goal"

Phase 2: Understanding Them (Principles 2, 3, 4)

Find the Decision-Maker:

• "Who has the authority to give you what you want?"
• "Is it your direct contact, or someone else?"
• "Can you get to the real decision-maker?"

Pictures in Their Heads:

• "What do you think they're thinking and feeling right now?"
• "What pressures are they under? What are their goals?"
• "What would make this a win for them?"

Emotional State Assessment:

• "How emotional is this situation for them? For you?"
• "If emotions are high, what emotional payment can you make first?"
• "Are you calm enough to negotiate effectively right now?"

Phase 3: Strategy Selection (Principles 5-12)

Based on the situation, recommend the most applicable strategies:

Situation	Primary Strategies
They have policies/rules	Find Their Standards (7) - Use their own rules
Trust is low	Be Incremental (5) - Small steps to build trust
You want more than they offer	Trade Unequally Valued Items (6) - Find creative trades
They're emotional/upset	Emotional Payments (3) - Validate before negotiating
Deadlock or impasse	Find Real Problems (10) - Dig for underlying issues
Different perspectives	Embrace Differences (11) - Use for creative solutions

See references/12-principles.md for full principle explanations.

Phase 4: Preparation (Principle 12)

Role Reversal Exercise:

• "Put yourself in their position. What would you be thinking?"
• "What objections will they raise? How will you address each?"
• "What makes you nervous about this negotiation? Why might it make them nervous?"

Identify Trading Items:

• "What do you have that costs you little but they might value?"
• "What do they have that costs them little but you would value?"
• "What non-monetary items could be exchanged?"

Plan Your Opening:

• "How will you start the conversation? (Hint: 'What's going on?' is powerful)"
• "What human connection can you establish first?"
• "What's your first small ask to test the waters?"

See references/preparation-checklist.md for the complete negotiation List.

Quick Reference: The 12 Principles

#	Principle	Core Question
1	Goals Are Paramount	What do I want that I don't have now?
2	Focus on Them	What are the pictures in their heads?
3	Make Emotional Payments	How can I validate their feelings first?
4	Every Situation Differs	What's unique about this specific situation?
5	Incremental Is Best	What small step can I take first?
6	Trade Unequally Valued Items	What do they value that costs me little?
7	Find Their Standards	What are their policies, precedents, stated values?
8	Be Transparent	Am I being real, not manipulative?
9	Communicate Clearly	Have I stated the obvious? Framed the vision?
10	Find Real Problems	What's really preventing progress?
11	Embrace Differences	How can different perspectives create value?
12	Prepare Thoroughly	Have I made my List and practiced?

Situation-Specific Guidance

Salary & Job Negotiations

Key Strategies: Standards (7), Trading Items (6), Incremental (5)

Questions to ask:

• "What is the company's stated compensation philosophy?" (Standards)
• "What non-salary items might they offer - title, vacation, remote work, signing bonus?" (Trading)
• "Can you start with a smaller ask to establish the precedent?" (Incremental)

Key insight: Your manager may want to help but faces constraints. Find out what those are.

Consumer Disputes (Returns, Refunds, Service Issues)

Key Strategies: Standards (7), Emotional Payments (3), Persistence

Questions to ask:

• "What is their stated policy? Their customer service promise?" (Standards)
• "What has been your experience as a loyal customer?" (Standards/Relationship)
• "Are you calm enough to negotiate, or do you need to cool down first?" (Emotions)

Key insight: The front-line person usually can't help. Ask: "Who can make an exception to this policy?"

See references/case-studies.md for the Diego Etcheto story (13 calls to Delta).

Business Deals & Partnerships

Key Strategies: Goals (1), Trading Items (6), Real Problems (10)

Questions to ask:

• "What does success look like for both parties?" (Goals)
• "What do they need that you can provide beyond the core deal?" (Trading)
• "What's really preventing this deal from closing?" (Real Problems)

Key insight: Most deals fail from poor communication, not incompatible interests.

Personal & Relationship Negotiations

Key Strategies: Emotional Payments (3), Pictures in Heads (2), Incremental (5)

Questions to ask:

• "What is the other person really feeling right now?" (Emotions)
• "Have you tried to see this from their perspective?" (Pictures)
• "What small gesture could start to rebuild trust?" (Incremental)

Key insight: In relationships, being right is less important than meeting your goals.

See references/emotional-intelligence.md for handling emotional situations.

Diamond's Signature Questions

Use these questions throughout coaching:

1. "What's going on?" - Start informal, collect information
2. "What do you want at the end that you don't have now?" - Goal clarity
3. "Who is the decision-maker?" - Don't waste time with the wrong person
4. "What are the pictures in their heads?" - Understand their perspective
5. "What emotional payment can you make?" - Validate before negotiating
6. "What small step could you take first?" - Be incremental
7. "What do they value that costs you little?" - Find trading opportunities
8. "What are their stated standards or policies?" - Use their own rules
9. "What is really preventing you from meeting your goals?" - Find the real problem
10. "Are my actions meeting my goals?" - Constant goal check

Key Reminders

On Power and Leverage: Diamond's methodology explicitly rejects power plays:

• "Power must be used gingerly, tactfully... and for fairness"
• "The moment you use raw power over someone, the relationship is usually over"
• "People hate it when others try to exert power over them"

Instead: Focus on meeting your goals through understanding and value creation.

On Persistence:

• "A negotiation is over when you say it is, not before"
• Diego Etcheto called Delta 13 times. Answers: no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes.
• Each time, ask a little differently. Stay polite but firm.

On Emotions:

• "When people are emotional, they can't listen. When they can't listen, they can't be persuaded."
• Make emotional payments first: empathy, apologies, validation
• If you're upset, you're not ready to negotiate

On Preparation:

• "Even spending a few minutes with the List produces better results"
• Practice in low-risk situations
• Debrief after each negotiation: What worked? What didn't?

References

• references/12-principles.md - Detailed explanation of each principle with examples
• references/preparation-checklist.md - The complete negotiation "List"
• references/emotional-intelligence.md - Handling emotions and irrational behavior
• references/standards-and-framing.md - Using their standards and framing techniques
• references/case-studies.md - Real examples from the book

Quick Coaching Checklist

Before the negotiation:

• Goals clearly defined and specific
• Decision-maker identified
• Pictures in their heads understood
• Emotional state assessed (yours and theirs)
• Primary strategies selected
• Trading items identified
• Small first step planned
• Opening question prepared

During the negotiation:

• Started with human connection
• Made emotional payments if needed
• Used their standards when possible
• Stayed incremental
• Asked questions, listened more than talked
• Constantly checked: "Are my actions meeting my goals?"

After the negotiation:

• What worked well?
• What would you do differently?
• What did you learn about them?
• How can you apply this next time?