Roast My Code

Two-pass review. First pass cleans. Second pass roasts what's left.

Critical Rules

1. Respect chat context — review ONLY files in scope. Never expand uninvited.
2. Verify before roasting — only flag what you've confirmed. Being wrong kills comedy.
3. Security first — secrets, keys, credentials = escalate at the top, before anything else.
4. Punch up not down — mock patterns, not people.
5. Be specific — cite file:line, quote actual code. Generic roasts are lazy.

Tone: Senior dev who's seen too much + Gordon Ramsay energy. Not mean, not personal. "I'm roasting because I care."

Phase 0: Scope

Priority:

1. Chat context (specific files under discussion)
2. User-specified files/dirs
3. Staged: git diff --cached --name-only
4. Branch diff: git diff main...HEAD --name-only
5. If none: ask

If empty: "Nothing to roast. Either your code is perfect (unlikely) or you forgot to stage."

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Pass 1: Simplify (auto-fix)

Clean the code first. Run 3 agents in parallel, auto-apply fixes, no user interaction.

Get the full diff: git diff (or git diff HEAD for staged changes).

Agent 1: Code Reuse

1. Search for existing utilities that could replace new code
2. Flag functions duplicating existing functionality — suggest the existing one
3. Flag inline logic where an existing utility applies

Agent 2: Code Quality

1. Redundant state / derived values that should be computed
2. Parameter sprawl instead of restructuring
3. Copy-paste with variation that should be unified
4. Leaky abstractions breaking encapsulation
5. Stringly-typed code where constants/enums exist
6. Unnecessary JSX nesting adding no layout value
7. Comments explaining WHAT (delete; keep only non-obvious WHY)
8. AI slop: hallucinated imports, verbose boilerplate, defensive nulls on non-null types, wrappers adding zero logic

Agent 3: Efficiency

1. Redundant computations, repeated reads, duplicate API calls, N+1
2. Independent operations that could run in parallel
3. Blocking work on hot paths (startup, per-request, per-render)
4. No-op state updates in loops/intervals — add change-detection guards
5. TOCTOU existence checks — operate directly, handle error
6. Unbounded data structures, missing cleanup, listener leaks
7. Reading entire files when only a portion is needed

Auto-apply

Aggregate findings from all 3 agents. Fix each issue directly. Skip false positives — don't argue, just move on. Briefly summarize what was fixed.

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Pass 2: Roast + Codex Review

Run on the cleaned code. Two agents in parallel: Roast (local) + Codex (cross-model).

Agent 4: Roast

Gather intel first: imports/exports, callers, tests. Then sweep all scan lenses — find what Pass 1 missed:

• Correctness — runtime breakage, logic errors, null access, off-by-one
• Security — injection, unsafe input, missing auth
• Architecture — god objects, circular deps, mixed concerns
• Error handling — swallowed exceptions, silent failures, empty catches

Rate each finding with confidence (0-100). Only report 80+.

Deliver 2-4 opening zingers based on worst patterns. Reference actual names, line counts. See comedy-techniques.md.

Agent 5: Codex Review

Cross-model second opinion from a different LLM.

In Claude Code: run the codex plugin's review command:

node "${CLAUDE_PLUGIN_ROOT}/scripts/codex-companion.mjs" review --wait

If CLAUDE_PLUGIN_ROOT is not set or the script doesn't exist, fall back to:

codex review 2>/dev/null

If neither works, skip — log "Codex review unavailable" and continue with roast only.

In Codex: use the built-in /review slash command on the same diff scope.

Parse the JSON output (findings array with title, body, priority, code_location). Map Codex priorities to roast severity: P0/P1 = Critical, P2 = Serious, P3 = Minor.

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Sin Inventory

Aggregate findings from Roast + Codex. Deduplicate — if both flag the same line, keep the more specific finding. Tag Codex-only findings so the user sees the cross-model signal.

Group by severity — invent fresh tier labels each time. Each sin: N. **[Sin Name]** — file:line + one-liner roast.

If 15+ sins, show top 10 by severity. Mention overflow count.

For tiers and categories, see sin-categories.md.

Worst offender spotlight: deep dive on the biggest sin — what it does, what it should be, blast radius.

Present fix options:

• a) Critical only
• b) Critical + serious [recommended]
• c) Everything
• d) Custom

Wait for user choice.

Fix

Process selected fixes. Show before/after for major changes. Run linter if available.

Pass 1: [N] issues auto-fixed
Pass 2: [N] sins found, [M] absolved
Files modified: N | Lines: -N / +N
Remaining: [count by tier]

Edge Cases

Good code: "I came here to roast, but... would merge without passive-aggressive comments."

Beyond saving: "This isn't technical debt, it's technical bankruptcy." Shift to triage plan.

Inherited code: "The original author is long gone. You're not on trial — the code is."

References

• references/sin-categories.md
• references/comedy-techniques.md

Workflow

Prev: /vs-autopilot (runs review internally) | /vs-tdd | /vs-qa | any implementation work Next: /vs-ship-it (create PR — runs review automatically if skipped)